Dear Annie: We host holidays for both sides of the family. Yes, it’s massive and chaotic, but incredible!

DEAR ANNIE: I loved reading the different responses from both grandmothers in the “Daughter-in-Law’s Dilemma.” I’m fortunate to be the daughter-in-law of the most amazing people. My husband is the youngest of seven children, all of whom have two or three kids of their own. We have two boys, ages 19 and 20, and agree that boys often gravitate more toward the woman’s family, which has been true in our experience. My husband isn’t the type to reach out, but it’s not because he doesn’t care.
My solution has been to host the holidays for both sides of the family. Yes, it’s massive and chaotic, but seeing cousins from both sides together and watching my husband enjoy his time with his siblings, while I get to enjoy mine, is incredible! I make a point to regularly call his parents and put them on speakerphone. I also plan trips twice a year to visit them since they retired out of the country, ensuring our kids are just as close to his parents as they are to mine.
The result after 25 years? Both sides of our families love each other and even make plans on their own to get together! I know there will come a time when my boys marry and move on, and I’m OK with any imbalance in time spent, as long as they’re happy. I’m always willing to initiate get-togethers and offer help without overstepping. A positive attitude goes a long way. His family has never felt slighted or left out because I value them as much as my own, and I appreciate how he loves my parents, too. — The More the Merrier
DEAR THE MORE THE MERRIER: What a wonderful letter! You sound kindhearted and very thoughtful. My guess is that your sons will marry women similar to you, and the beautiful cycle of having both sets of grandparents involved will continue when you are a grandparent. Bravo!
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DEAR ANNIE: I appreciated your thoughts to “Walk Away,” a woman asking for guidance on how to feel OK with walking away from toxic family members (in this case, a narcissistic mom).
I have been in “Walked Away’s” shoes before with multiple family members. The following has helped me immensely:
It’s often said that walking away is about loving yourself … but walking away is also about loving them. Walking away gives them space to self-reflect if they can and a chance to change if they want. Honoring their free-will choices to be as they are is also an act of love.
Thank you for giving attention to this. It takes courage to walk away. — Walk Away
DEAR WALK AWAY: Thank you for your letter.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].